Summer Rain

We got a screen door installed a couple weeks ago - just in time for summer rain. I have the front door open, and I'm listening to it come down, a quilt wrapped around my shoulders.

I have been go go go lately - at work, at home, in my mind. I enjoy the feeling of pursuit, of setting a goal and crossing things off the list. I like it when my brain feels like it's going to burst from the million ideas I have for this project or that project or every project. I feel a little surge of pride when my hamstrings and my back ache after a day of heavy gardening.

I also get burned out. I lose the joy.

The garden feels overwhelming, or I can't make time for even a little piece of the thousands of projects running through my head, or the list is growing with nothing getting crossed off.

There is a fine line. Once it begins, the spiral down is quick and complete.

I know enough these days to know it's a cycle, to know that tired and overwhelmed is a phase that will pass, that I will be rejuvenated and energized again. And I know that joy and pursuit and fear and exhaustion can live right next to each other, weaving themselves together in inseparable ways.

The best thing for it, I think, is summer rain. It's the feel of a blanket around my shoulders and a cool breeze on my face. It's the sound of billions of tiny droplets falling on our garden. It's not running immediately to check for slugs but instead breathing in and out again and again and again.

p.s. still loving this smoothie

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